In an environment, like the US, where the athlete and the actor are rewarded endlessly, where reality television and behaving with the most contentious personality, gets carte blanche, more exposure and ultimately, more money, the value system appears to be money, self, looks- particularly in SD, tan and fit, how connected we are, social media exposure - being awesome on Facebook, on all the time, and being a shrewd business person... It's competitive, it's expensive to live here, it is so highly desired to be here, it is called "America's Finest City," businesses take notice of go getters, aggressives, contentious, potential dates look at the fit tan upbeat, It's a lot to juggle and maintain, to thrive in San Diego.
There is another society, that has an entirely different way of being. Their hierarchical pyramid is an inverse of what I just listed. Their value system is flipped completely upside down - Family, God, Other, Self, Money (maybe). This is a society in which I lived, across the globe, alone, on a tiny island in the south pacific, the island of Tonga Tapu.
Heading out there, to the unknown, I was terrified.
In living with the Tongan people, day in and day out, I regularly experienced the sense of "this is how it's supposed to be... it felt profoundly human and right." Now THIS is what I'm talking about! It was freedom, untethered by fear.
I worked there, running a youth treatment program, with 9 Tongan staff under me. The big strapping Tongan men, regularly prayed for the kids, they regularly hugged the kids, and regularly told the kids they loved them. In all of my work in youth treatment programs, here, in the US, I'd never seen that. I don't consider myself a religious person, but I figure additional coverage is welcome. We also have laws about touching children, here.
In addition, I observed these men periodically crying, crying for the kids, for their families, for their beliefs. I observed them openly holding hands. This was different, touching, special. Raw. Real. Human. Unedited expression. Authentic. As we were meant to be. Fearless.
At the end of our work together, my second in command gave me the most touching letter. He addressed it "to my hero" and shared his humble position, on working for me, with me, with the kids, which sounded like strength to me, in all of it's openness.
In contrast, in SD, particularly in the dating world, I've observed that flash smile and "on all the time" on Facebook is the coin of the realm. He who gets attached, shows his vulnerability or underbelly or who cries... loses. Fun. Upbeat. Positive. Tan. Fit. Armored up. Wins.
The Tongan people are generous with their resources. I observed them literally giving the shirts off their backs, when one asked or expressed want. They open their homes to strangers and anyone who enters gets fed. The irony in this is some of the homes are wooden, on stilts, with no television. Yet the resources are there and the fear of draining them, is not. They climb trees to get the coconuts for you or wade through the field to get bananas, or throw a makeshift fishing line in the water to catch fish. If hungry, they feed each other. I observed laughter in the generosity, together. Not want. Not scarcity. It's as if it made them RICHER. In San Diego, many hungry and in need, sleep on the street and bars are on the windows, keeping out the unwanted and the feared.
The crime rate is almost zero, in Tonga.
The Tongan people are generous with their families. I learned of these families taking care of their siblings, through giving a childless family member one of their own infant babies. One of my white friends and her husband, who were also childless, experienced this, as well, not for pay, not surrogacy. They quite literally take care of each other.
The power in encountering humanity at this level, still affects me, to this day, and it's been 7 years. I almost didn't leave Tonga, but walked away a different person. I still tear up, when I think of that letter. I still get inspired, when I think of what society could be, and if our values hierarchy were inverted. For those simple people to affect me all the way here in Southern California, enough to desire to passionately share this, years later, I say they are doing something right and it's powerful.
When you feel dissatisfied, as if things aren't as they were meant to be, there may be a reason! I encourage you to listen to that part of you give it credibility, think on this alternate society, that's doing something right - without the money, the contentious reality TV attitudes, without the flash smile on Facebook - recognize that even a drop of living in this alternative manner, can have an unbelievable amount of impact, years down the road, on people you may not even realize you are affecting.
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